I just sent this message:

Your photo was reported as being a model photo, and therefore likely copyrighted and not belonging to you.

Don't let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life #boy #tbt #selfie #sundayfunday #tumblr #girl #dope #men #tumblrboy #tb

A photo posted by Carlos Acikalin, 21, Canadaūüá®ūüᶠ(@trouble_bro) on

If you are the model, our apologies.

Please confirm by going through our photo verification process, and we’ll know from here on in that those photos are you.

Thanks so much for helping us keep Dating Kinky authentic!


Dating Kinky Teammember

Now, we won’t catch them all, but we take every report seriously, and check details of the account against the model information.

Sometimes, it certainly seems to be the model, and we would simply send a message making contact, asking for additional confirmation before deleting.

In the case where none of the information seems to match, we’ll delete first, ask questions later.

No More Cock Shots!

No Cock Shots

So, I got a flagged profile report this morning, and so I went to take a peek at the profile. I couldn’t see anything overtly offensive, as the flagging said, so I wrote a message to the flagger and asked for some details.

The upshot is that a man had reached out, moving from “Hello, Gorgeous,” to cock shot in 7 messages or less, without any real expressed interest from her.

In fact, he’d asked if she had an interest in a particular fetish, and she said “No,” so he sent a pic of what she would be missing.


So, of course, I thanked her for reporting the issue, and sent this message to the flagged user:

Your profile has been suspended because you’ve been reported for sending an unsolicited photo of your genitalia to another member.

That’s SO not cool.

Like really, really not cool.

And so, here we are. Your profile is suspended and will stay that way if we do not get an email from you at support@datingkinky.com stating that you understand the following:

1. We have private photo albums where you can post what you like, so your friends on-site can see what you’re offering. These albums allow you to set them for ‘Friends Only,’ ‘Certain Friends,’ and ‘Password Protected,’ so you have a lot of options for sharing photos.

2. You are welcome to send photo attachments via message AFTER getting consent.

See? It’s easy.

Thank you so much for your understanding! We look forward to hearing back from you and releasing your profile.

Dating Kinky Teammember

P.S. If we do not hear from you with 15 days, your profile will be deleted.

You see, we have a lot of options for sharing your junk consensually, so that non-consensual stuff is just, well, not allowed.

And it’s rude.

So don’t do it.

And if someone does it to you, please report it. We will need screen captures for our files (for our records, not for our perving, silly people!), to be sure we are acting on good faith, of course.

So, thank you very much for supporting a consensual sexy safe space for all kinksters, and please keep up the reporting!



So, yesterday was a stressful day around here. I woke with a slight headache (may have been dehydration), and I was worried I might be getting ill. After weeks of planning our move to a new server, I DID NOT need that on the one day when I knew I was going to have to deal with, well, I didn’t know. But I knew challenges would be thrown.

After only 5 potential major emergencies, and a move planned for 30 minutes taking about 3 1/2 hours, we were up and running again, smoothly.



Well, for one, we’re on a more powerful server. So there’s that. But there’s more.

We are also on a new IP address that I took weeks to pre-clear with ISPs and get all the necessary hoops jumped through, so that traffic to us is not (usually) being routed through Taiwan or Vladisvistok or any other out-of-the-way node of nowhere anymore.

Note: My insistance that we have only real people who want to be there on our site has kept our spam complaints insanely low, and that makes ISPs VERY happy! YAY for doing the right thing because it’s the right thing actually paying off!

We also made some changes to our app code that meshed with the newer packages on the server, so they are running faster as well, and the processing is not slowing down the overall site performance.

We’ve moved all of our notifications email processing off-site as well.

We’ve turned on a system that will serve you content you’ve seen faster. The more you browse the site, the faster it will load, since it will cache the content for you.

We still have some additional changes to make. In the next few months, we’ll move the DB to another server, so it can process side-by-side with serving images and content, rather than interspersed. Like this:

|   X
|   X
|   X
|   X
|   X

Total: 5 seconds

Instead of this:


Total: 10 seconds

And of course,w e’re growing fast, so we’ll be keeping an eye on the needs of our users as we grow, to make sure we serve you the best site possible.

So, uh, yeah. Just needed to say that. I’m super-geeked, and now, I can get back to upgrading the apps and working on the new search feature I have planned.


So, anyone who pays any attention to what I’m doing with Dating Kinky knows I want it to be chock full of REAL people making REAL connections, right?

I hope so. That’s kind of my whole branding concept. Oh, and it’s kinky, but that’s pretty clear in the name, yeah?

Anyway, I got two messages this weekend:

“i wan to close my account. a guy keeps harrasing me, and he won’t stop”


” you have a lot of scammers on your sight. Most of them that I stumbled on claim to be female Doms with and/or without pictures. However, to chat with them they demand a payment. It may be legit but I don’t think advertising like that on your type of sight is right, but I may be wrong. Most of the scammers immediately want to chat with you on another site like Kik or Viber, a clear sign.”

So, I took care of the first with a simple note and block to the guy bothering her.

The second I can’t do anything about, because, well, no one has reported them! Including the person who sent the message.

Now, I would LOVE to be able to view every account on my site every day, to see if they seem like scammers, but I don’t have the personal resources for that.

So, I rely on my users to tell me when they think something is hinky.

Let me give you a clue: I delete anywhere from 5-50 people EVERY DAY. I add new IPs, spam-style email blockers, and so on… And we block thousands before they even get to register.

And Dating Kinky is a SMALL site.

But we’re growing. FAST.

And I want to weed out all scammers and spammers. And abusive assholes. And creepy jerk faces. And so on…

But I need your help.

I can’t know if MissUseU is a scammer, if you and the 58 other people who interact with her never report her to my team. I don’t know that Vivi19 is really 17, and claims it in writing, if it’s not brought to our attention. I have no idea that JackCrack72 is filling your inbox with creepy notes and dick pics unless you say something.

So, please, for all that is good and kinky‚ÄĒreport them!

My team WILL take care of it. As fast as we can. And they will be gone. And if they come back, we’ll take care of it again. And again. And again.

Thank you!