So, Dating Kinky has officially been live for a whopping three months and seven days. There has been an amazing learning curve (which I plan to write more about coming up), and there have been a few moments where I felt satisfaction that I’ve gotten it right the first time around.

Very few, but they exist and I cherish them. Most things are, “Whelp, didn’t know that,” or “Coulda thought THAT through better!”

Today, I experienced two at the very same time, regarding our Kinks & Interests.

Kinks & Interests are similar to FetLife’s fetishes list, or POF’s Interests, but with a twist. It’s kinky and vanilla, it’s meant to connect people, it’s a wiki of information, and… it’s moderated.


Yup. It’s moderated. Kinks & Interests are not added willy-nilly, but only after approval. In fact, this morning, I sent this message:

I approved your Kinks & Interests with these exceptions:


Neither of these kinks/interest are allowed on Dating Kinky. You may have entered them as hard limits, however, we cannot allow them even in that capacity, as once approved, they can be used in any way.

Therefore, to protect what we are building, and the space we’ve created for all, we have chosen to simply not allow certain terms at all to be added to the site.

Thank you for your understanding.

I’ve done this before with words like “rape,” “children,” and others that I think cross the line.

Because I think it’s important to keep certain things, well, out of kinky dating.

I do allow, though, “rape fantasy,” because I know that’s a thing, and that makes it clear that it IS a fantasy scenario that you’re interested in. That’s freedom of expression, in my world, and it’s important.

For the person who used children, I suggested “parenting” as an alternative, if that’s where they were going with that…

Satisfaction point # 1:

Anyway, as I was sending that message above, I was thinking of what’s been going on with FetLife and the issues they’ve been facing, and I felt happy that I’d made that policy from the beginning, and I don’t have to go back to cull a bunch of stuff now.

Satisfaction point #2 came when I got a message back, thanking me for taking the time to let them know about the policy and the deletion.

I replied, “Of course. We are a new site, and one of our foundational reasons for being is you—the kinkster who is looking to connect with others. It would be a poor example if we didn’t actually connect with our users over important site issues.”

Because what I’m building is really about connecting people. For dating, play, etc. In your many and varied interests. Wherever you happen to be.

Which means that I want the site to be connected as well.

So, yeah. I feel the small things are important.

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