This category is specifically restricted to our amazing testers and brain trust peeps to give feedback and test new stuff for Dating Kinky. If you're a tester, you should have an email with the password. If you're not, and you want to be, send me and email at nookie@datingkinky.com, and we'll get you started. *smiles*

For years—decades, even—I’ve read people complaining about the fakes, the phonies, the spammers, and all the other baddies online to take advantage of people just trying to make a match on a dating site.

However, in my time managing adult sites and communities, the ones who complain the most loudly are the ones who almost refuse to report them, until they’ve been had.

In fact, I’ve had people who have been taken for $$ contact me about another account created BY THE SAME SCAMMER that had been taken down, when they were int he middle of a conversation, being led down the exact same path (with a different backdrop, of course).

I know most dating sites not only allow the phonies and multiple profiles, they sublty encourage them, and don’t allow deletion by mods.

Why, then?

If the public hates the fake profiles and getting taken over and over, why do sites allow them?

Well, laziness is a factor, sure. It’s hard work keeping up.

But there’s more.

HOPE.

All those lying profiles with photos stolen from Instagram models… well, when a member gets a message from one of those, with flattering words, it makes them happy.

It also pads the membership. It LOOKS like there are 10X as many people on the site as there are.

Yes.

Actually, more like 7.3X

Because that was the average on one site I worked on. One in seven profiles was authentic.

ONE IN SEVEN.

And when I’ve deleted scammer on my site within 24 hours, they have had as many as 17 conversations going WHILE I DELETE THEM.

When the profile photo and the content of the profile don’t match and the speech is terrible English (but they live in Lakeland, FL).

17 people who could have easily reported that profile, except for the hope that some gorgeous guy with smoldering eyes and chiseled abs or some sweet young thing with beautiful pouty lips and perfectly style and professionally taken photos really wanted them, to travel to meet them and to own them or be theirs…

Rudeness, I can’t abide it.

So, today, I’ve been threatened. Apparently someone has decided to start an anti-Dating Kinky campaign.

So, when you join Dating Kinky, you get a few messages from us. Tips on how to date better, giving a bit of a guide for Dating Kinky. Not other sites, but how we like it done.

It’s really just “Don’t be an asshole,” and some ideas about how to get the most out of your experience.

We’ve been sending these messages out (in site) for the past 3 months. In that time (because I’ve tracked it), I’ve gotten 403 sincere thank yous, 12 questions about them and 3 complaints.

To those three complaints, I sent something back like this:

“There are 8 messages. You will get them until they end, but after that, you won’t get more, really, unless I have a specific announcement for the site.

If you don’t need them, that’s awesome for you! Think of all the people who do, and thank me for them, going on to be better Dating Kinky Citizens. smiles

Two of the complainants got it, and did not complain further.

One, well, before they even got my response they’d sent another over-the-top rude message. That’s the one that has decided to… well, I don’t know what they decided to do. The quote was:

“Like I said, good luck on getting anyone to join after I’m done talking.”

To be fair, this was in response to my suspending their account for rudeness and yelling, and said that I’d be happy to reinstate it if they just apologized.

So, there you have it.

Personally, someone who is incredibly rude to someone they have never interacted with is likely going to be rude to the people on a dating site that also thwart them as well… or at least that’s my position. I pretty much feel like I’m doing the good work.

Ironically. his first angry missive was in response to my note about “The Waiter Rule,” LOL!

What say you? Too much? Just right?

How would you handle someone like that?

This category is specifically restricted to our amazing testers and brain trust peeps to give feedback and test new stuff for Dating Kinky. If you're a tester, you should have an email with the password. If you're not, and you want to be, send me and email at nookie@datingkinky.com, and we'll get you started. *smiles*

A man reported a profile as “illegal,” and I could no see anything wrong, so I asked him what his issue was.

He replied, “She is a man.”

That didn’t seem illegal to me, so I asked for proof/context.

He replied:

“I asked to meet and to phone.
He don’t like to phone ot meet only asked s and again details and as I asked again to phone to be Sure she ist female he gets angry and block me.
it is your Task to Check if some Body ist female or Male.”

*sighs*

Nope. It’s not. Do you know how many times I have personally been called a man because I didn’t show interest in another man?

A lot. A lot lot.

My response:

“We do not gender police our members. They may identify as they choose.

We make every effort to keep the site authentic. We allow everyone the opportunity to Photo Verify themselves once at no cost, for example. However, we cannot and will not force that on anyone, as every member has a right to their personal privacy.

If they ask you for money, we’ll take action. If they try to get you to go to a paid site, we’ll take action. If they spam you with advertisements, we take action.

The account has been put into a watch list, and we will take no further action without additional reports.

Thank you for your efforts.”

We do appreciate every report that is made. We’ve removed people identifying as underage, people spamming our members, people on there doing bait-and-switch for Pro work (to be clear, I don’t care if you’re a Pro, just be upfront about it), people constantly trying to use model photos as their own, and more.

That’s a GOOD thing.

However, to suggest that someone is lying simply because they don’t follow YOUR relationship demands… not so much.

Now, the profile may be trouble, and may get reported again. It wouldn’t surprise me. If it is, with actionable information, I’ll remove it quicker-n-shit. Because Dating Kinky is not the place for hinky behavior.

However, it’s also not our responsibility to check your junk when you sign up, to see if your 38DDs aren’t really 34Cs with a miracle bra, to check how you look without your makeup, or without those airbrushed abs (who probably belong to a model we haven’t found, yet…

Yeah. No.

I recently read this quote. Not sure where. In a business book of some sort. It was making a point about changing your business and why, and it hit home for me, and confirmed my choices over the past few weeks.

If you aren’t yet aware, I’m giving Dating Kinky a total overhaul. Every bit of code we have right now will be gone in the next three months replaced by a totally custom-built system.

For you.

For me, too. Lord knows, I need better admin options…

But it’s really mostly for you.

Because so many of you love Dating Kinky.

You see, without you, there would be no reason to change. Your love for what I’m doing, your belief in it—that’s MY REASON.

If the past three months had not been full of people telling me how much they love what I’m doing (even if there are more than a few hiccups), signing up, making connections (and dating! YAY!), I might just wash my hands of it.

But those things are WHY Dating Kinky exists. because I believe it is needed. Wanted. And, now, thankfully, loved.

So, I’m changing it.

And thank you to every one of you who has complained and caught bugs and had difficulty understanding. You have made it clear that while my ideas were spot-on, my implementation left much to be desired.

Thank you.

And if you’d like to help, please shoot me a note. We’ve started an email list and a testing group to go over our prototypes and give ideas and suggestions, and who will be our first testers of the new code when it’s developed.

As an aside, I am agnostic. So God in this quote to me may represent many different things, one or all of which may exist as I perceive them. As the Desiderata says: “Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be” (emphasis mine).

This category is specifically restricted to our amazing testers and brain trust peeps to give feedback and test new stuff for Dating Kinky. If you're a tester, you should have an email with the password. If you're not, and you want to be, send me and email at nookie@datingkinky.com, and we'll get you started. *smiles*

Someone sent this message to me a couple days back:

I’ll put in the effort i see worthy into searching your site. I appreciate you are a new site but the locals near me I see are not those i would be into. I will never enter the states and all the matches you have here are yanks. no thanks.

To be clear, I get that we’re new, and if you’re in AUS, and there are not enough people near you, I wish you the best.

However, I think to stay on the site and NOT put effort into a profile is not only half-assing things, but long-term is a detriment.

It`s my position that the effort you put in—everywhere—is what you will get back, although not necessarily in the same places. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well, in my view. Or, “Win or fail spectacularly.”

Frankly, I would never half-ass a profile. Because someone could sign up at any time and hide/block/filter† me for a lack of effort.

And I never intend to lose from a lack of effort.

But that’s me. Everyone makes their own choices, of course.

† (a feature coming up in DK 2.0 allows auto-hiding or profiles and filtering of messages from unfinished profiles)

On FetLife, a conversation:

Him:

Thanks, joined, horny and fantasising and masturbatinf too…

Me:

Ummm. No one needs to know that. If you send messages like that on my site and get reported, I’ll ban you.

It’s just ick.

(And badly spelled.)

This category is specifically restricted to our amazing testers and brain trust peeps to give feedback and test new stuff for Dating Kinky. If you're a tester, you should have an email with the password. If you're not, and you want to be, send me and email at nookie@datingkinky.com, and we'll get you started. *smiles*