Your Cock Versus My Cock


Your Cock Vs. My Cock

As I typed the title, I realized that this could be taken as a comparison rant, wherein I discuss the amazing cocks I can have and fuck with versus the one you men are born with…

But it’s not.

It’s about real life fleshy cocks, and what to do with them, and more importantly, when.

Yes, this is about cock shots. And receiving them. And why the cock you are so proud of—and may well have been told is a perfectly splendid example of manhood—is just not getting you very far when it comes to the ladies.

It’s very simple.

When you waggle your cock at me, in photos, it is your cock.

I am not that interested in your cock. No more than I am interested in your grapes, your Spiderman bed sheets, or your new X-Box.

Because they are yours, and I don’t know you, therefore those things offer no real benefit to my life.

Interestingly enough, though, I get cock shots quite regularly that I enjoy. Nay, that I love. In fact, as the D in my relationship, I require them. Daily.

MY cock, I love.

And I don’t mean just because I am the D, and I claim that cock for my very own. I mean because I have a connection to and a relationship with that cock. I know how it responds to me, how it hardens and twitches in my hand, how it feels going down my throat, how it hits the sensitive bits inside of me, how it fits me so perfectly, and so on.

When I see a pic of my cock, I connect all of those wonderful, positive, amazing things to it. I get all warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I get wet and squishy down below. My heart swells and my mouth salivates.

Obviously, I love cock.

But I don’t love your cock. Because it’s your cock. Not mine.

When I see a picture of your cock, I get… nothing. Really.

It may be an impressive cock. I could even say so, “Wow! That’s an impressive cock!”

But I have nothing more. I don’t know if your cock is really any good at satisfying me. I don’t know if you’ll smell good or taste delicious. I don’t FEEL anything for your cock.

And I’m turned off. I didn’t ask for your cock, and here it is, staring me in the eye, rudely, a perfect stranger of a cock barging uninvited into my life.

This is why so many women say that it’s best to not send a cock shot to a potential interest, or to at least wait until one is requested.

Because, like me, they want to see a cock they have a connection to, or hope to have a connection to. A cock they do or may claim as their own (regardless of which side of the slash they are on).

Not your cock.

“My profile kind of sucks I guess don’t go off that though”

What? Really?

If your profile sucks—or only kind of sucks: FIX IT!

Don’t make people try to force their way around the negative to find your awesomeness. Your online dating profile is marketing YOU.

Could you imagine if Poo-Pourri ads were like, “Well, poop stinks. We all stink a little, don’t we? I guess you’ll just have to really track us down to see how this little spray can help you. I mean, this ad sucks, but don’t go off that, though. We deserve a chance.”

The Art Of The Fade Away

There’s a right thing to do when you just aren’t feeling a relationship…

…and then there’s what we usually do.

The fade away.

Online, it seemed perfect. But you’ve met, and it’s… well… flat, maybe? Just not there. No sparks. No whiz-bang.

They are nice. Sweet, even. You could like them, sometimes even think you should like them, since on paper, they are what you’re looking for—except instead of fireworks, you don’t even get poppers. It’s just nothing.

And you’re let down. And you feel bad, because you had high hopes.

What’s worse, though, is that they don’t seem to notice. They’re still excited about whatever it was you were trying to build. They smile and send picture texts and ask when you’ll get together again.





So, you fade away.

Because you don’t want to be an asshole, right? You don’t want to say the words that might make someone feel bad.

I mean, we used to do it with self-blame.

“It’s not you. It’s me.”

But now, everyone hears that as, “It’s you, nyaa nyaa nyaa! You’re hideous, deformed, socially awkward, and just undesireable to the world!”

So, we have found a better option.

The fade away.

It says the same thing, but it takes so much longer that it’s harder for them to call you on it.

So, here’s the lowdown on stretching it out as long as possible, and avoiding saying anything direct, while simultaneously making them doubt their attractiveness and ability to meet anyone who is not a meanypants jerkface.

1. For the first day, simply take about twice as long as usual to respond to texts.

Make each response short, and give no follow-up conversational lures.

For example, if you usually respond within 10 minutes, take 20-30 minutes, and make the responses simple.

  • “Yeah.”
  • “lol”
  • “Uh huh.”

2. Do not project any excitement.

Keep it neutral. At most basic smiley, not happy-laughing smiley.


  • 🙂

Not these:

  • 🙂
  • 😀
  • 😉
  • :)~

And definitely not:

  • <3!!!

3. Over the next few days, stretch out the time between responses.

You will likely get called on this during this time. Be prepared with your reasons.

Note: These are not called excuses, because they are not meant to actually excuse you. They need to know, deep down inside that you are blowing them off, but your reason should be good enough that they cannot call you on it without feeling like a douchebag themselves.

  • “Work has been crazy.”
  • “Been feeling under the weather.”
  • “My grandma is ill.”

4. Whenever asked for another date or time to get together, put them off, but don’t say “No.”

In other words, do the opposite of actually setting a date and time.

  • “My bestie/roommate/friend from high school wanted to do something this week, but I’m not sure when.”
  • “I have this project that’s due, and I don’t know when I’ll get free.”
  • “I’ve been crazy stressed, and I just need some me time.”

Ideally, these are things that are 100% true that you would say, and yet, they should be flimsy enough that anyone would know that if you REALLY wanted to see them, you would.

5. Just stop responding.

Or, alternately, respond in random, but always long intervals.

3 days, 7, 5 days, 2 days, 10 days…

ADVANCED DAGGER TWIST: Be active on social media that you share.

That way, they can see you being active and doing things and making time for others, while you simultaneously put them off.

This can backfire, though, so be aware and plan carefully.

Now it’s your turn!

I know you’re sick of just telling the truth and accepting the consequences. Now, you can drag this out over time, possibly even create layers of self-doubt and inwardly-directed recriminations in your former potential partner that will stand them in good stead when creating entirely new relationship neuroses in the future.

You may also get some really amazing “Why” queries to bolster your own ego and boost your flagging self esteem.

And if you start to feel bad, well, there’s a YouTube video about it, so it must be socially acceptable, right?


I Date People, Not Kinks

So, for me, it’s not a turn on to be approached by those driven solely by one singular kink, looking for me to be the Cinderella to their shoe.

I mean, yeah, I’m cool with you having kinks.

I do, too.

However, if you can’t have a genuine conversation—actually several—to get to know me as a human, because, you know, you value me AS A HUMAN, then it doesn’t matter what your kink is or mine is.

We won’t be a match.

And I’ll wish you the best of luck.

Because I KNOW it sucks to be alone when you really want a companion, and I know how it feels to want something that the people you have access to don’t want, or to feel alienated from people because of who you are, deep down inside, and just to feel “othered.”

On the other hand, I know how it feels to be a star-shaped peg that you are trying to fit into your lemniscate-shaped hole(s), and how it feels to be ignored for who I am as a person in favor of what you might want from me.

And that sucks, too.

So, if you approach me, approach as a person, a human, with an interest in another person—me—and we just may get around to your kinks, and trying them out.

Who knows, I may dig your figure-eight fetish.


Hi there. You are lovely. I’d really like to get to know you better.


Thanks, I’m flattered. However, your profile states that you have no interest in poly, and I’m very poly. I wish you the best in your search.


Well, I’m not really monogamous. I’ve just never met a woman who wanted to date a guy who was poly, so that’s how I answered.

— OR —


You are gorgeous! I’d do anything you told me to do, if you’d own me.


Thanks, I’m flattered. However, your profile states that you are a dominant looking for a submissive female. Best of luck in fulfilling your fantasies!


I’m a switch, and I’ve been looking for a dominant woman to give myself to. I just say Dominant because most submissives don’t like switches.

So, are you lying to me or to everyone else who reads your profile?

And, if you’re me, there is no right answer to this question.

Because I don’t do liars. I prefer authentic people.

Lie to me. Lie to everyone else. Makes no difference.

I have no interest.

Best of luck to you.

This one is pretty easy, really. What would you do face to face? I recognize that society has coarsened recently, but, “Da-Yum Bitch!’ is still met with disdain.

Dating Kinky and other kinky sites are just places to find people with similar

You still have to start with step one… “Hello, how are you?”

It seems that some people think that just because we’re all on a kinky site that we can skip all the preliminaries and just go in for a grab to the genitals.

Imagine, if you will, standing in a room, having a pleasant evening. You turn around, and suddenly there is a hand getting very familiar with your crotch, and a random person asking you if you have ever masturbated with Hubba Bubba.

Wait, what?

Truly. Sometimes it’s like that. There’s a mosquitoes dude that’s famous on CS for his bizarre first messages.

So, yeah, “Hello, how are you?”

Reading the profile and finding something to mention is a GOODTHING™.

For example, “I saw that you’re near the ocean and love dogs. I had a Blue Heeler that surfed when I was younger.”

Intelligent and friendly questions about their profile will also get you points, “I noticed you love cuddling. Would you rate yourself as a beginner, enthusiastic amateur, intermediate, or WWF Grand Champion level cuddler?”

And do check out the photos, of course. They are there to be seen. However, there is no need to actually mention them. If you want to mention a photo, choose one you really realted on a level that is not overtly sexual. “Nice tits!” or the like could be reserved until after you’ve gotten to know each other a bit.

In the first message, protocol is unnecessary, but do use common courtesy. No need to do slashy speak, D/s caps, or even honorifics. Write to them using their screen name, and ask how they like to be addressed, and you’re golden.

If they have a specific way they require you to speak to or address them, you will know soon enough.


And please, don’t send unsolicited nudity. I know you hear it all the time from women, but I know quite a few men who are also very NOT interested in seeing your golden honey pot or barnyard foul until they have gotten past the greetings.

And, well, if you’re one of those who gets the rooster pic, perhaps this will help:

Some people are straightforward. They are uncomplicated in their desires and needs. They can say “I am ____,” and mean it, without waffling.

And then, there are people like me.

People whose favorite answer to questions is often, “Well, yes and no,” or who not only know the word ‘dichotomy,’ but often embody it.

Like this young lady who wrote to me:

“I am two different sides. Monogamous, cutie who loves normal chat and more than just sex, Online slut who is nasty pervy mind.”

She was asking how she can portray that to find the right fit of partner for her.

It can be a complex task. It took me years of interacting online to understand how to communicate who I am and what I look for, but I’ve found a formula that works for me.

It’s a simple formula:

Statement of Fact
The Opposite (or seeming opposite) + How It Happens

So, for the young lady above, I might suggest she write:

“I’m monogamous and loving, sweet as candy, full of cuddles and smiles and with the right man who really gains my trust, I can be a delicious slut who craves perversions to get a ‘good girl’ from his lips.”

Statement of Fact: I’m monogamous and loving, sweet as candy, full of cuddles and smiles

The Opposite: I can be a delicious slut who craves perversions to get a ‘good girl’ from his lips.

How It Happens: with the right man who really gains my trust

Here are a few from my own life and profiles:

“I rock a pair of 4″+ heels like nobody’s business, but I can trip over a speck of dust on flat ground.”

“I am a primarily dominant woman. I do switch in sexual play, and I enjoy it, with the right people.”

“I am not shy about sexuality, but I’m not an easy fuck. If you are simply looking for panties to get into, move on.”

“I love being pampered and treated like a princess, but when a friend asks me to help install a tin roof, I’m there, and running the show.”

And it also works when talking about negative things, and showing hte positive side:

“I run like an asthmatic sloth. Don’t ask me to run marathons with you, but a good hike is always fun!”

Or when talking about what you’re looking for:

“I like a man who likes to take control and knows his way around the bedroom and ultimately wants to love a strong woman who prefer to be in charge.”


You can make a lot of points about yourself, touching on many different unique factors of seemingly disparate pieces of you, while crafting a profile that shows off your personality and states exactly who you are and what you’re looking for.

How about you? Do you have any dichotomies? Are you willing to try your hand at this?

Someone sent this message to me a couple days back:

I’ll put in the effort i see worthy into searching your site. I appreciate you are a new site but the locals near me I see are not those i would be into. I will never enter the states and all the matches you have here are yanks. no thanks.

To be clear, I get that we’re new, and if you’re in AUS, and there are not enough people near you, I wish you the best.

However, I think to stay on the site and NOT put effort into a profile is not only half-assing things, but long-term is a detriment.

It`s my position that the effort you put in—everywhere—is what you will get back, although not necessarily in the same places. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well, in my view. Or, “Win or fail spectacularly.”

Frankly, I would never half-ass a profile. Because someone could sign up at any time and hide/block/filter† me for a lack of effort.

And I never intend to lose from a lack of effort.

But that’s me. Everyone makes their own choices, of course.

† (a feature coming up in DK 2.0 allows auto-hiding or profiles and filtering of messages from unfinished profiles)

On FetLife, a conversation:


Thanks, joined, horny and fantasising and masturbatinf too…


Ummm. No one needs to know that. If you send messages like that on my site and get reported, I’ll ban you.

It’s just ick.

(And badly spelled.)