No More Cock Shots!

No Cock Shots

So, I got a flagged profile report this morning, and so I went to take a peek at the profile. I couldn’t see anything overtly offensive, as the flagging said, so I wrote a message to the flagger and asked for some details.

The upshot is that a man had reached out, moving from “Hello, Gorgeous,” to cock shot in 7 messages or less, without any real expressed interest from her.

In fact, he’d asked if she had an interest in a particular fetish, and she said “No,” so he sent a pic of what she would be missing.


So, of course, I thanked her for reporting the issue, and sent this message to the flagged user:

Your profile has been suspended because you’ve been reported for sending an unsolicited photo of your genitalia to another member.

That’s SO not cool.

Like really, really not cool.

And so, here we are. Your profile is suspended and will stay that way if we do not get an email from you at stating that you understand the following:

1. We have private photo albums where you can post what you like, so your friends on-site can see what you’re offering. These albums allow you to set them for ‘Friends Only,’ ‘Certain Friends,’ and ‘Password Protected,’ so you have a lot of options for sharing photos.

2. You are welcome to send photo attachments via message AFTER getting consent.

See? It’s easy.

Thank you so much for your understanding! We look forward to hearing back from you and releasing your profile.

Dating Kinky Teammember

P.S. If we do not hear from you with 15 days, your profile will be deleted.

You see, we have a lot of options for sharing your junk consensually, so that non-consensual stuff is just, well, not allowed.

And it’s rude.

So don’t do it.

And if someone does it to you, please report it. We will need screen captures for our files (for our records, not for our perving, silly people!), to be sure we are acting on good faith, of course.

So, thank you very much for supporting a consensual sexy safe space for all kinksters, and please keep up the reporting!



So, yesterday was a stressful day around here. I woke with a slight headache (may have been dehydration), and I was worried I might be getting ill. After weeks of planning our move to a new server, I DID NOT need that on the one day when I knew I was going to have to deal with, well, I didn’t know. But I knew challenges would be thrown.

After only 5 potential major emergencies, and a move planned for 30 minutes taking about 3 1/2 hours, we were up and running again, smoothly.



Well, for one, we’re on a more powerful server. So there’s that. But there’s more.

We are also on a new IP address that I took weeks to pre-clear with ISPs and get all the necessary hoops jumped through, so that traffic to us is not (usually) being routed through Taiwan or Vladisvistok or any other out-of-the-way node of nowhere anymore.

Note: My insistance that we have only real people who want to be there on our site has kept our spam complaints insanely low, and that makes ISPs VERY happy! YAY for doing the right thing because it’s the right thing actually paying off!

We also made some changes to our app code that meshed with the newer packages on the server, so they are running faster as well, and the processing is not slowing down the overall site performance.

We’ve moved all of our notifications email processing off-site as well.

We’ve turned on a system that will serve you content you’ve seen faster. The more you browse the site, the faster it will load, since it will cache the content for you.

We still have some additional changes to make. In the next few months, we’ll move the DB to another server, so it can process side-by-side with serving images and content, rather than interspersed. Like this:

|   X
|   X
|   X
|   X
|   X

Total: 5 seconds

Instead of this:


Total: 10 seconds

And of course,w e’re growing fast, so we’ll be keeping an eye on the needs of our users as we grow, to make sure we serve you the best site possible.

So, uh, yeah. Just needed to say that. I’m super-geeked, and now, I can get back to upgrading the apps and working on the new search feature I have planned.


So, anyone who pays any attention to what I’m doing with Dating Kinky knows I want it to be chock full of REAL people making REAL connections, right?

I hope so. That’s kind of my whole branding concept. Oh, and it’s kinky, but that’s pretty clear in the name, yeah?

Anyway, I got two messages this weekend:

“i wan to close my account. a guy keeps harrasing me, and he won’t stop”


” you have a lot of scammers on your sight. Most of them that I stumbled on claim to be female Doms with and/or without pictures. However, to chat with them they demand a payment. It may be legit but I don’t think advertising like that on your type of sight is right, but I may be wrong. Most of the scammers immediately want to chat with you on another site like Kik or Viber, a clear sign.”

So, I took care of the first with a simple note and block to the guy bothering her.

The second I can’t do anything about, because, well, no one has reported them! Including the person who sent the message.

Now, I would LOVE to be able to view every account on my site every day, to see if they seem like scammers, but I don’t have the personal resources for that.

So, I rely on my users to tell me when they think something is hinky.

Let me give you a clue: I delete anywhere from 5-50 people EVERY DAY. I add new IPs, spam-style email blockers, and so on… And we block thousands before they even get to register.

And Dating Kinky is a SMALL site.

But we’re growing. FAST.

And I want to weed out all scammers and spammers. And abusive assholes. And creepy jerk faces. And so on…

But I need your help.

I can’t know if MissUseU is a scammer, if you and the 58 other people who interact with her never report her to my team. I don’t know that Vivi19 is really 17, and claims it in writing, if it’s not brought to our attention. I have no idea that JackCrack72 is filling your inbox with creepy notes and dick pics unless you say something.

So, please, for all that is good and kinky—report them!

My team WILL take care of it. As fast as we can. And they will be gone. And if they come back, we’ll take care of it again. And again. And again.

Thank you!

OMG! I’m totally stoked about this new feature that I’ve been working on for weeks.

A lot of sites have an interests “checklist,” or a fetishes option. I’ve rarely found them useful in connecting to others, but I’ve always thought they could be. That’s where my idea for this project came from.

A personalized list of kinks, fetishes, hobbies, and vanilla interests that would allow us to find each other more easily, discuss what we like, and connect on different levels.

Here’s a quick video showing you how it works to make it even easier to connect with amazing people on Dating Kinky! If you’d prefer to keep reading (instead of watching), I’ll explain below.

The way Kinks & Interests work on Dating Kinky is a simple process, but so powerful!

  1. Add a kink, fetish, hobby, or vanilla interest. If it’s an existing kink, it will auto-complete for you.
  2. Choose your interest level(s): I Top/Give, I Bottom/Receive, I Switch, I Watch, Must Have, I Like/I Enjoy, Interested In/Curious About, Hard Limit—You may select none, one, or several of these.
  3. If it’s a new addition to our kink list, it will be sent to admin/moderators for approval.
  4. Your approved Kinks/Interests show up on your profile, and are visible to others. They are easily sorted by the icons related to your interest levels.
  5. Click on any Kink/Interest to take you to the wiki page to see (or add) a definition, other kinksters who have added it to their profiles, and discuss the Kink/Interest and what it means to you.

Not only did I build this to connect us more easily and effectively on a wide variety of topics that could never be coded in to a limited drop-down menu, but also to encourage the Dating Kinky community to create our own reference to the Kinks and Interests we enjoy and love to talk about.

I hope you’ll try it out, and send feedback. Right now, this is available on the web app, but we’re working on adding it to the mobile apps as well.

Sooooo super-excited!

If you’re a female on a dating site, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You know, when William sends a photo of “Little Willy,” instead of saying “Hello, my name is ____, and I think you’re fabulous. I’d really love to get to know you and…”

While there is a bright side—you now know he’s not worth even another second of your time—it’s annoying and frustrating, and sometimes you just wish you had the perfect thing to say…

Well, Sarah-Louise Jordan DID have the perfect thing to say, and Dating Kinky has put her HILARIOUS and cheeky response into a video just for you.

(Note, the video is a bit colorful with it’s language, I’d rate it NC-17.)

Now, you not only have the PERFECT thing to say, with illustrative graphics, but if you’re one of our members, it’s also a “Quick Reply” on our web app (coming soon for mobile), so you can send it with the touch of a button!

Now, if only we can figure out to the messages that just say, “hey.”


What Is Kinky?

If you go to google right now and type in “define kinky,” you’ll get the following two definitions:

1. involving or given to unusual sexual behavior.
2. having kinks or twists.

At Dating Kinky, I going with my own definition that combines the two, and throws in a bit more for fun:

Kinky is something greater than the straight and narrow, a flexibility, in how you view and navigate the world.

Kinky is different than your average person, opened up to more possibilities, especially (but not necessarily) in relation to sex.

I am grateful for my kinkiness, and I welcome yours!

So, obviously, dyed-in-the-wool kinksters are welcome there, but who else ‘makes the cut?’

BDSM? Willkommen.
Alternative lifestyles, like poly? Bienvenue.
Swinging? Welcome.
LGBTQ and all the other letters that don’t fit easily into a box? C’mon in.

Even allies and friends of all the kinky people, who just prefer to play a bit outside their comfort zone. You are definitely welcome. I am doing my best to make a site that is welcoming and safe for all, friendly, and full of connections.

Even more, I am focused on offering options that allow you to be YOU, online as you are off. From a wider gender selection to greater options for matching up with potential playmates, I’m passionate about giving you the tools you need to find and be found for kinktastic fun.


So, sign up at Dating Kinky! It’s free.

I look forward to seeing you there!

P.S. When I say free, I mean everything you need to meet others is absolutely free and will always be. We do have paid options, because we want to continue growing and making this site even better, and that takes the green, however, those are perks and are NOT needed to enjoy this site. At all. Period.

So, yeah, I’ve did this thing.

After years of being kinky and frustrated by the sites out there to meet people outside of my regular circles, I finally did something about it.

I created Dating Kinky.


And I’mma brag about it BIG TIME, because, well, I’m super-proud, and this is my profile, where I can do shit like that.

Anyway, Some of you know, others may not, but I’ve moderated at quite a few adult social and dating sites over the years, even built a handful (miss the Grotto!), and I know what the biggest requests are for sites that connect others, and I’m shoving them all into my version.

#1. It’s free.

Like FetLife, it’s free to use. Also like FetLife, we will have ads and a support option (less pricey than other dating sites). MOST people will use it free all the time.

#2. Gender Friendly

Many genders to choose from, and preferred pronouns.

#3. Poly Friendly.

POLY friendly: Individual AND couple/family profiles, you can also add relationship status as partnered, and relationship styles, including poly, open, swinger, etc. Also: REAL couple/family profiles.

#4. Double-approved relationships.

Link your partners, and they approve before the link goes live. EITHER partner can remove the relationship at any time!

#4. One-Click Decline and Block.

Sends a nice message saying you’re not a match and blocks the other person. No more snotty replies!

#5. Optional Photo Verification.

Get verified to prove that you look like your photos. Or not—it’s completely optional!

#6. Instant Messaging.

Chat instantly with others online.

#7. Well, It’s A Dating Site, So…

The usual: matching, searching, messaging, flirting & more.

#8. Sexy Fun eCards to Send.

Take your flirting up a level with built-in NookieNotes eCards!

#9. D/s, BDSM and Kink Roles

Searchable, and you can choose more than one identifier for your own searching and finding.

#10. Mobile Apps.

Coming soon. We’re working on them! Sooooo exciting.

I’ll be 100% honest: The site is NOT optimized perfectly for mobile, yet. Still working on that. It’s best on a desktop. However, we’re making do and people are STILL loving the site!

See, here’s our first hot picture testimonial:


Anyway, I just had to tell ya’ll, as today is the first OFFICIAL promotion day (I’ve been doing some here and there…

I hope you’ll join, and tell me what you think!

Also, feel free to follow/friend our new FL page:

We’ve opened up Dating Kinky today for the first round of testing. A limited number of people are being invited from my classes at Coastal Carolina Fetish Fair and The Loft over the next two weeks.